Plague City Demos

📷 in collaboration with Flatchestedmama

Listen on Bandcamp

Excerpt from the record release event :

In March 2020, Secret Caves paused for hiatus out of respect for each other’s and our loved ones’ health and safety.

Around August, Carrie and Scotty tentatively re-entered the music cave – masked and distant – and began composing songs together. Those early songs were born desperately and entirely from a desire to create while navigating a terrifying and increasingly uncertain world – and while therapeutic, it became quickly evident that additional contributors would allow these songs to realize their full potential.

Contributors, in no particular order:
Chad, Simon Strand, Peder Nelson, Carlynn Nelson, Hugh J. Noble, Flores, David Ramm, Myrh, Greg Connors, Scott Fragala, Dark Number 9, Timbertoe, Nina, Andy, Slayanne

Car Insurance Fine Print

A policy agreement booklet came with my recent auto insurance renewal. Here are some of the highlights: 

Insurrections (listed under War) and car racing are excluded. No part of my coverage covers them. Previous to Jan 6th, I would have had to look up the word insurrection but now I have an iconic image to draw from! 

A phantom vehicle is the vehicle that ‘ran’ in a hit & run. That got me thinking. Next time I come out from the grocery store to find a new dent in my car, I have to realize, maybe I was parked in Doc Brown’s entry point. Maybe he dented my car while crashing in or out of time travel. Or… maybe it was Wonder Woman who needed a quick getaway in the invisible jet. She had bad people to lasso and didn’t have time to leave a note or insurance card.

They still have me covered if I go bankrupt (when you prepay a policy period before bankruptcy) but they can audit my books and inspect my property up to three years after an incident “as far as they relate to the subject matter of this insurance.” 

I learned the difference between tort and torte. You want the latter! It’s the difference between a police baton and a tasty dessert.

Surprise (to me) benefits that come with collision coverage is pet injury coverage. It provides a one time, $1000 (cap, no matter how many fur babies you were transporting) benefit for vet fees or loss. Surprise (to me) benefit with additional personal injury protection is $2000 for funeral expenses. I would not have previously thought to inquire about these items. That’s the benefit of reading the fine print!

I’m available to read and creatively summarize your fine print, no font too small! You receive a digital sketch and a written summary. Join my three happy customers so far! Go HERE for more information and rates.

Ski Pass Fine Print

This is from a new series titled, Reading the Fine Print with Flatchestedmama.

Flatchestedmama has started creatively summarizing fine print and is available for hire. No font too small! More info about the project here: www.flatchestedmama.com/fine-print

Here is a ski pass example of Reading the Fine Print with Flatchestedmama:

I have titled this, “the granny panties of cover-their-ass” fine print. In addition to the top line stating that you have waived your right to sue they go on to cover everything from wild animal attacks, collisions with other participants, jumping in snow, negligence of staff in operating anything (bindings to chair lift) to even holding volunteers harmless. They’re volunteers for goodness sake! I can’t think of anything this contract hasn’t covered that you could sue them for… but they may get property damage from you. They can also revoke/confiscate the pass if you secretly hold your own lessons or tours for a fee and/or are a nuisance. Nuisance! What a great word. 

You sign the contract once and it remains in effect indefinitely, or until you need to read the fine print and find out how to get out. The same contract is used at 52 resorts so if you visit The Remarkables next, you know what to expect. 

Speaking of Remarkables, depending on your style, grace and charisma, they may use your likeness in any future marketing without compensation. Photos and videos may have been taken of you anywhere on the grounds during your stay and can be used in perpetuity, which means forever! That’s pretty remarkable. 

They’re allowed to call for medical professionals when they see fit and you’re on the hook for all medical expenses. Sure, we all want them to call for help, who wouldn’t? If we think about it, that may clear them from being sued by people who have DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) tattooed on their person or those who hold religious beliefs that limit them from some medical interventions. 

TANGENT: Tattooed DNR’s are not usually legally binding since we can’t confirm they were “of sound body and mind” at the time of getting the tattoo. Also, people can change their minds and may no longer hold that belief but can’t afford to have the tattoo removed. 

Oh, and you signed that you would be, “maintaining deliberate and conscious control at all times” which I read as sober. Were you sober during your stay?! Don’t answer that, this is an art project!!!

Skiing is so hazardous, it appears that each State has Safety Codes or Acts on the matter. I didn’t research them but in this fine print it states that New Mexico ‘shoulds’ people to obtain health insurance, accidental and life insurance BEFORE skiing. 

On a personal note, I feel more confident finally taking up skiing. Everyone who engages in ANY ACTIVITY at a ski resort is technically called a ’skier.” So, shopping and sipping hot cocoa now qualify as skiing and I can get down with that. Updating my online dating profile now….

Love & Unicorns, 

Flatchestedmama