Ski Pass Fine Print

This is from a new series titled, Reading the Fine Print with Flatchestedmama.

Flatchestedmama has started creatively summarizing fine print and is available for hire. No font too small! More info about the project here: www.flatchestedmama.com/fine-print

Here is a ski pass example of Reading the Fine Print with Flatchestedmama:

I have titled this, “the granny panties of cover-their-ass” fine print. In addition to the top line stating that you have waived your right to sue they go on to cover everything from wild animal attacks, collisions with other participants, jumping in snow, negligence of staff in operating anything (bindings to chair lift) to even holding volunteers harmless. They’re volunteers for goodness sake! I can’t think of anything this contract hasn’t covered that you could sue them for… but they may get property damage from you. They can also revoke/confiscate the pass if you secretly hold your own lessons or tours for a fee and/or are a nuisance. Nuisance! What a great word. 

You sign the contract once and it remains in effect indefinitely, or until you need to read the fine print and find out how to get out. The same contract is used at 52 resorts so if you visit The Remarkables next, you know what to expect. 

Speaking of Remarkables, depending on your style, grace and charisma, they may use your likeness in any future marketing without compensation. Photos and videos may have been taken of you anywhere on the grounds during your stay and can be used in perpetuity, which means forever! That’s pretty remarkable. 

They’re allowed to call for medical professionals when they see fit and you’re on the hook for all medical expenses. Sure, we all want them to call for help, who wouldn’t? If we think about it, that may clear them from being sued by people who have DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) tattooed on their person or those who hold religious beliefs that limit them from some medical interventions. 

TANGENT: Tattooed DNR’s are not usually legally binding since we can’t confirm they were “of sound body and mind” at the time of getting the tattoo. Also, people can change their minds and may no longer hold that belief but can’t afford to have the tattoo removed. 

Oh, and you signed that you would be, “maintaining deliberate and conscious control at all times” which I read as sober. Were you sober during your stay?! Don’t answer that, this is an art project!!!

Skiing is so hazardous, it appears that each State has Safety Codes or Acts on the matter. I didn’t research them but in this fine print it states that New Mexico ‘shoulds’ people to obtain health insurance, accidental and life insurance BEFORE skiing. 

On a personal note, I feel more confident finally taking up skiing. Everyone who engages in ANY ACTIVITY at a ski resort is technically called a ’skier.” So, shopping and sipping hot cocoa now qualify as skiing and I can get down with that. Updating my online dating profile now….

Love & Unicorns, 

Flatchestedmama

Summer 2020

Summer 2020 is part of Flatchestedmama’s Apocalypse Clown series. More images can be viewed on her IG account: @theflatlife